Friendship feuds

Posted by AaliyahM (81 days ago)

I feel I can't do anything right.

I have a group and there are so many feuds in it. Eg. "If she turns up for dinner, I won't come" OR "It bothers me that she's going".

It happens ALL the time and it makes me feel bad whenever I organise something.

Organising dinners 2-3 times a week because people can't get along is also time consuming and expensive.

I don't understand why people can't just forgive and forget?

I'm so upset to the point where I feel this is going to be the last time I will volunteer to organise anything.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (81 days ago)

Q: Why do you "have to" organize dinner 2-3 times a week? You are not the sole person who gets people together, dont you believe that people should make their own arrangements? What is understandable is that within a large group of women, there are going to be catfights and whining, what is not understandable is why you are upset when it is YOU that "volunteer" to organise.

A: Quit volunteering, quit organizing dinner for people who could very well do it themselves. This in turn will lead to you being less stressed out, less out of pocket, freed up on your time, and you will probably complain less about the spirit crushing effort of volunteering your services.

Moral of the story: No one FORCED you to do this. You are a grown up. Make the decision to self preserve and stop being used. No one is going to take care of you but you. On this same token, your friends are grown ups, not all adults play well together, let those who dont want to come simply fend for their own social lives and drop whingers from your list of friends. You could do with a few less "acquaintances" and maybe it would do you some good to assess who your real friends are. One should be so lucky as to count true, lifelong friends on just one hand. If you are counting more than that, you have your numbers all wrong and need to seriously audit your life as it may well be that you are needy and hence volunteering to organize dinners seems to fill that social fix for you. *shrug* Maybe this makes you feel needed? Useful? Who knows...what I do know is you dont NEED a purpose that is so underappreciated.

Hope that helps.

Good luck.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by miaowmiaow (81 days ago)

AaliyahM,

You know what, no matter it is a big/small group its happened. I got the same problem with you. And friend is a bit stubborn person, no matter what we said to her, she nevers want to let go.

(I am based in Hong Kong)